“I Will Bless It”
As my cancer anniversary approaches, I think back on that day from 19 years ago remembering the apprehension, the resignation, the uncertainty of my future. I confessed to Parky that I felt my results would be positive. God’s preparations for me seemed all too clear. Even though the statistics were in my favor, I felt I would be that “1†of the 1 in 8 diagnosed with breast cancer every year in the U.S. A few hours later it was confirmed on the couch in Dr. Susan Winchester’s office.
I recall the flush of “knowing†as she said the words, “Your results are positive.†The wait was over. My mind stayed fixated on the word “positive†throughout the conversation with my emotions finally resorting to tears. Looking at my husband’s red and wrinkled face, watering eyes, and quivering lips, I could not hold it in any longer. Parky and I held hands and cried together. Fortunately, the cancer was not so advanced as to require a mastectomy unless I chose to. I did not, and I’ve been grateful for that decision ever since.
“What if†thoughts of a recurrence creep into my head from time to time. I’ve determined it’s just one of the chapters of a cancer survivor’s story. I used to think about it more than I do now. I mean, 19 years does have its advantages. I remember thinking how wonderful it would be if I could say I were a survivor of 10, 15, or 20+ years when others would tell me they were. Oh, if I could make it that long, wouldn’t that be glorious. Well, here I am!
In the expanse of that time, God allowed me to write a Bible study about my cancer and faith journey. It was written to encourage cancer survivors and co-survivors on how to use their cancer to build their faith, glorify God, and not give up hope. My book Confronting Cancer with Faith (www.confrontingcancerwithfaith.com) took years to finish writing with setback after setback. Nonetheless, one day it happened. I had a published book.
My book has been in the hands of cancer survivors all over the United States; it’s been studied by small church groups and women’s groups; it’s been a personal study for individuals looking for purpose; and it’s been read by those in foreign countries including South Africa, India, England, Australia, and Belize. My book has been translated into Slovak, Slovenia, and Burmese. A Spanish translation awaits publication. How could I have known that the scripture I use when I sign my books would come to pass? “Publish his glorious deeds among the nations. Tell everyone about the amazing things he does” (Psalm 96:3).
When I first contemplated writing this book, I had no writing experience. I seriously debated if I should do it. The only reason I did was because: 1) my journey was nothing less than incredible and 2) friends encouraged me to share my story. I had no idea what I was getting into. I asked the Lord to guide me, to show me whether or not this was something to pursue.
Decisions, Decisions
One day I was on lying on the couch talking to God about this important decision. I knew I didn’t have the time, the knowledge, or the resources to make a book happen. I was torn as to how to proceed or if to proceed at all. God spoke to my heart and whispered four words that have stuck with me. “I will bless it.†Those words didn’t answer my question about whether or not to write my book. In fact, God gave me the choice. If I chose not to, there would be no condemnation; but if I chose to, He would bless it. The answer was obvious. Why would I want to miss out on God’s blessing? Why would I willingly throw away the opportunity to bless others especially those suffering with cancer and seeking spiritual direction?
I have learned a lot since those early days. Things like publishers, editors, writing techniques, genres, lingo, blogs, marketing, social media, writing conferences, I could go on. I agonized through a catastrophic and ugly downfall of my publisher when they closed their doors without warning taking with them my royalties, my website, its domain, my original manuscript rights, and the remaining books I had in storage. My heart ached to wonder how a Christian publisher could do such a thing. My desire to write was squashed for two years. But I fought my way back and republished my book under my ministry, Ewe R Blessed Ministries. And guess what? God is still blessing not only my book but my writing.
As I look back I am convinced God, in His infinite wisdom, did not enable me to know the intricacies of writing 19 years ago. He didn’t want me to rely upon myself when my cancer journal, passport, and cruise tickets were stolen while on vacation. (The journal was to have been my primary resource for the book.) He knew my publisher would one day go defunct and that I would rebound to write for national publications.
Truly, God has blessed my willingness to lean on Him. He has encouraged me through moments of despair. He has lifted my spirits with opportunities and awards. I am no prolific or great writer, but all I do, I do for the glory of God, the One who continues to bless me over and over again.
Sharing in your victory of cancer free 20 years! Well written and expressed!
Actually 1 more year before I hit the 20 mark, but it feels so good to be this far out.
We can seldom comprehend or understand the why or how God can use folks like us Ms. Karen, but I’m reminded often that when He uses those some might consider “the least” (as in qualified, capable, expected, etc.), that is when He shines the most. How I’ve enjoyed watching God work through your amazing life ma’am. And oh, how you’ve inspired many (me among them) to hang in there and see where God might take us. I pray one day He can find a way to use me just a percentage of the way He has used you to bless so many ma’am.
I think I’m blushing, J.D. Thank you for such kind words. I have learned that humility plays a significant role in my writing, playing, mentoring, volunteering, and serving. I love everything I do involving the people with whom I interact, the talents God has given me to use, and the wonderful friends that God brings into my life. I often feel inadequate for the tasks but thank God, He only asks for willing and obedient hearts. Thank you for your faithful following of my blog.
I can not believe that it has been 19 years. I am so glad that you took the leap of faith to write your book. It ministered to me during a very difficult time in my life. I love you sweet friend and I am so proud and thankful for you!
I know, I know! Funny how cancer, something so awful, can bring some individuals closer. We shall always have special moments that the Lord used to turn something bad into something good. Love you, too, precious friend and chosen mother.
Your blog reminded me of my own cancer experience.
While it is nothing that I would have chosen, I have had literally hundreds of opportunities to speak of the love of God and His healing power to students across north Shelby County. When students ask me about my beret, I accept that as an open invitation to speak of my healing. I could not do that randomly without “offending” someone. Elementary and middle schoolers are the most inquisitive about “why.” But most high schoolers as well know the story. Over a school year, I see around 3500 students in classrooms … not counting those that I pass in the hallways.
What a wonderful testimony!