“I Will Bless It”

As my cancer anniversary approaches, I think back on that day from 19 years ago remembering the apprehension, the resignation, the uncertainty of my future. I confessed to Parky that I felt my results would be positive. God’s preparations for me seemed all too clear. Even though the statistics were in my favor, I felt I would be that “1†of the 1 in 8 diagnosed with breast cancer every year in the U.S. A few hours later it was confirmed on the couch in Dr. Susan Winchester’s office.

I recall the flush of “knowing†as she said the words, “Your results are positive.†The wait was over. My mind stayed fixated on the word “positive†throughout the conversation with my emotions finally resorting to tears. Looking at my husband’s red and wrinkled face, watering eyes, and quivering lips, I could not hold it in any longer. Parky and I held hands and cried together. Fortunately, the cancer was not so advanced as to require a mastectomy unless I chose to. I did not, and I’ve been grateful for that decision ever since.

“What if†thoughts of a recurrence creep into my head from time to time. I’ve determined it’s just one of the chapters of a cancer survivor’s story. I used to think about it more than I do now. I mean, 19 years does have its advantages. I remember thinking how wonderful it would be if I could say I were a survivor of 10, 15, or 20+ years when others would tell me they were. Oh, if I could make it that long, wouldn’t that be glorious. Well, here I am!

In the expanse of that time, God allowed me to write a Bible study about my cancer and faith journey. It was written to encourage cancer survivors and co-survivors on how to use their cancer to build their faith, glorify God, and not give up hope. My book Confronting Cancer with Faith (www.confrontingcancerwithfaith.com) took years to finish writing with setback after setback. Nonetheless, one day it happened. I had a published book.

My book has been in the hands of cancer survivors all over the United States; it’s been studied by small church groups and women’s groups; it’s been a personal study for individuals looking for purpose; and it’s been read by those in foreign countries including South Africa, India, England, Australia, and Belize. My book has been translated into Slovak, Slovenia, and Burmese. A Spanish translation awaits publication. How could I have known that the scripture I use when I sign my books would come to pass? “Publish his glorious deeds among the nations. Tell everyone about the amazing things he does” (Psalm 96:3).

When I first contemplated writing this book, I had no writing experience. I seriously debated if I should do it. The only reason I did was because: 1) my journey was nothing less than incredible and 2) friends encouraged me to share my story. I had no idea what I was getting into. I asked the Lord to guide me, to show me whether or not this was something to pursue.

Decisions, Decisions

One day I was on lying on the couch talking to God about this important decision. I knew I didn’t have the time, the knowledge, or the resources to make a book happen. I was torn as to how to proceed or if to proceed at all. God spoke to my heart and whispered four words that have stuck with me. “I will bless it.†Those words didn’t answer my question about whether or not to write my book. In fact, God gave me the choice. If I chose not to, there would be no condemnation; but if I chose to, He would bless it. The answer was obvious. Why would I want to miss out on God’s blessing? Why would I willingly throw away the opportunity to bless others especially those suffering with cancer and seeking spiritual direction?

I have learned a lot since those early days. Things like publishers, editors, writing techniques, genres, lingo, blogs, marketing, social media, writing conferences, I could go on. I agonized through a catastrophic and ugly downfall of my publisher when they closed their doors without warning taking with them my royalties, my website, its domain, my original manuscript rights, and the remaining books I had in storage. My heart ached to wonder how a Christian publisher could do such a thing. My desire to write was squashed for two years. But I fought my way back and republished my book under my ministry, Ewe R Blessed Ministries. And guess what? God is still blessing not only my book but my writing.

As I look back I am convinced God, in His infinite wisdom, did not enable me to know the intricacies of writing 19 years ago. He didn’t want me to rely upon myself when my cancer journal, passport, and cruise tickets were stolen while on vacation. (The journal was to have been my primary resource for the book.) He knew my publisher would one day go defunct and that I would rebound to write for national publications.

Truly, God has blessed my willingness to lean on Him. He has encouraged me through moments of despair. He has lifted my spirits with opportunities and awards. I am no prolific or great writer, but all I do, I do for the glory of God, the One who continues to bless me over and over again.